


Umbrella and the Rain

by ohmybeatingspark



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Sexual Content, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-24
Updated: 2015-02-26
Packaged: 2018-02-26 21:26:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2666876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohmybeatingspark/pseuds/ohmybeatingspark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a small mistake, Riza finds out that she is pregnant. Even though she is still following Roy. Is this child is either a blessing or a problem that causes Riza to distant her feelings in the mere future?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [justroyai](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=justroyai).



> I decided to repost this after editing some things out since it didn't fit the time era. (someone commented on it so I deleted it originally to work on it more.)
> 
> I named the title after this GIF http://fullmental.tumblr.com/post/79851721858/im-sorry because it comes from my favorite lyricist Tablo.
> 
> P.S. This is my headcanon on why Riza is so formal in their relationship in the future with Roy. Takes place just after the burning of her tattoo and before they meet the Elric Brothers.

The moment she sprang from her bed and ran into the bathroom, vomiting her meal from the night before…she knew. She just knew. Riza wasn’t expecting this. She didn’t understand why she felt sick the third morning in a row. Until she thought back about the last time she had sex three weeks ago.

 

            _“Riza,” he whispered her name into her ear. “Riza, I’m about to come.” Roy continued to thrust into her, sweat falling down his face. He groaned when he felt his seed spill into the condom on his member. Mustang pulled out his erection from Riza and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into an embrace._

_“Roy…” she whispered before turning around to look at him._

_“Yes, Riza?” he looked into her eyes before she moved in to kiss him on the lips._

_“I...love you.”_

_“And I love you as well, Riza.” He kissed her back softly, lips barely touching._

            “It can’t be…” gasping, she covered her mouth with her right hand. “No, it’s not true. I’ll just go to the doctor and see for sure. It’s really just the flu. We used to protection, it can’t be.” But Riza forgot she hasn’t had her period in over two weeks now.

            “It’s probably because of a hormonal imbalance. I’m just irregular like always.”

            But she wasn’t. She knew when the time came for her menstrual cycle. She knew when it would be here.           

            Riza sighed. She took a shower and got ready early for work at Eastern Command. When she walked into the office to start working on paper work. When she was halfway through her own pile, she decided to go walk to Mustang’s office.

            “Come in.” he said after she knocked on the door.

            “I need to talk to you.” She whispered.

            Roy stood up, looked really concerned.

            “Sir, I need to ask if it’s okay for me to leave earlier today so I can go to the hospital…” her voice trailed off, still looking at him in the eyes.

            “Are you okay, Hawkeye?” oh he wished he could embrace her now, but they were at work and it would be trouble if they got caught.

            “I’m just feeling a little ill, sir. Might be the flu.”

            “If you need time off, let me know, Lieutenant.”

            “Yes, Colonel.” She saluted to him and left him alone.

 

           

            Immediately after she finished some paperwork, she left for the hospital. And conveniently they were able to give her an appointment right on the spot. Riza was all checked in by the nurses and given the usual check-up routine.

            It was when the doctor came around and he began to ask a series of questions.

            “Riza, the nurses’ report said you haven’t felt very well.”

            “Well, I have been vomiting for the past couple of days.” She said, lowering her head, hands grasping onto her knees when she sat on the table.

            “Are you feeling weak, more tired than usual?”

            She looked up a bit, “Uh…yes, sir.”

            “Are you getting headaches as well?”

            She looked at him again.

            “Yes.”

            “Hmmm…” he tapped his pencil on the clipboard.

            “Sir?”

            “You may not like it, but…I believe you are pregnant.”

            “WHAT?” Riza’s voice became shrilly. She almost fainted.

            “No, you are wrong. I can’t be pregnant.”

            “When did you start feeling ill? Besides throwing up.” he asked her again, this time more serious.

            “About a week and a half ago.”

            “When was the last time you had sexual intercourse?”

            “Doctor—”

            “Riza, I’m your Doctor, no need to be ashamed.”

            Hawkeye sighed.

            “Three weeks ago…” She looked down to the ground. Riza knew if it were true, she’d be in big trouble, not only with her superiors if they find out her and Roy were crossing anti-fraternization laws…but find out a baby is conceived because of intimacy…she’d lose her job. And Roy would lose his as well. So much for watching his back.

            “Do you know who the father is?” he asked her politely and kindly as he could.

            Riza now looked to the ceiling of the patient’s room. She didn’t want to dare risk Roy’s career. So instead she shook her head no.

            “You better be careful if you’re promiscuous like that, there are now more deadly diseases now spreading out there. Were you at least using protection?”

            She sighed, “Yes, doc. I was using protection. But, I have to ask you…”

            “Yes, Riza?”

            “Can this please not get out and be known around Eastern Command.”

          “Doctor-patient confidentiality…but I don’t know what to do when you show. You may have to take leave.”

            Riza looked up and spoke, “I’ll talk to my superior. I’m sure I’ll be allowed to get time off. Everyone makes mistakes, right?” but inside, this wasn’t a mistake, this baby was made out of love. It maybe was a small mistake since they were not careful enough. But…right now she is concerned about what Roy is going to say.

            She almost got off the examination table before her doctor stopped her entirely.       

            “I am going to order you some prenatals, is there any place you want to pick them up? Or do you want me to mail them to your home?”

            “Mail would be fine, please.” She didn’t want to go out and be embarrassed. If Eastern City knew that Riza Hawkeye, the sharpshooter from the Ishvalan War of Extermination was pregnant, she might as well kill herself. No, she shouldn’t think like that, but a life was growing inside of her…her’s and Roy’s. She still had to keep her promise on protecting him, but the more she thought about it…how is she going to protect him with a baby to her hip?

 

            Riza still hadn’t had an idea how to tell Roy…

            Riza thanked her doctor for the confidentiality and his service. She went straight home to her apartment immediately and headed for her bed. Riza did something she hasn’t done in a long time, cried. She cried until she thought there could be no more tears. How was she supposed to tell her superior, Colonel Roy Mustang? How was she supposed to tell him he’s going to be a father?

            When she stopped crying at nearly nine at night, she picked up her phone to dial the Colonel.

            “Hello?” he answered on the other end.

            “Colonel…”

            “Hawkeye, what’s the matter?”

            “Sir, I don’t normally ask this, but could you come over?” her voice sounded desperate, and Roy knew that there was something going on.     

            “I’m on my way.” He hung up. Riza looked towards the ceiling. She never wanted to feel this emotional, because the war took away her emotions. But she needed to tell him…tell him he’s going to be a father.


	2. Chapter 2

Roy entered her apartment without knocking, nearly breaking down the door. He didn’t like it when his lieutenant was in trouble, and he had a feeling this was something big. She was never the one to let her emotions get the best of her. He knew that about her, but when there was something really major, he knew there was trouble. And he wondered if he could fix it this time.

            “Hawkeye, where are you?”

            “In the bedroom, sir.” He heard her muffled voice and followed it.   

            He ran to her, and held her in his arms.

            “Hawkeye, what happened? You asked me if it was okay to leave work early today, I was nearly worried. Is it really just the flu?”

            She shook her head no.

            “Cancer?”

            Again, she shook her head no.

            He listed off the multiple diseases she didn’t even know.

            “Roy…” she only ever used his name in serious personal conversations.

            “What is it? Tell me.”

            “Roy…you will not like this…I don’t think you’re going to like this.” Hawkeye managed to let go of his embrace, and sat next to him on her bed.

            “Tell me, I want to know if I can help, you know, Riza—”

            “Roy, I’m pregnant.” She blurted, not even daring to look at him.     

            “What—”

            “Mustang, you’re the father.” Riza interrupted again.

            “How? How did this happen? We hadn’t had sex in about three weeks…” he sat and thought about it.

            “We used protection, you made sure I used a condom.” He was flabbergasted. And didn’t want to believe it.

            “That’s the problem, sir…at first, you didn’t.” But, he thought, no…it couldn't have been.

            “Don’t you remember? You were penetrating me before, and then told you to wear a condom or I am going to shoot you.”

            The Flame Alchemist sighed, covered his face with his hands.

            “I fucked up, didn’t I? I really fucked up your future, my future… Riza, I’m so sorry.” And then, a few tears streamed down his face. It was rare for him to cry, but he seriously knew that he fucked up this time.

            “I’m going to keep it.” She stated.

            “What?”

            Did she have to repeat that again? Of course she did.

            “I said, I’m _going_ to keep it.”

            “Are you sure, Riza? People will begin to ask whom the father is…” he trailed off, still not looking at her.

            “I don’t care. I will say that the father is unknown. And I don’t care if they say the child is a bastard child. If it is to protect you, then I will do this. I don’t want your career ruined.”

            “Hawkeye, you don’t have to do this…”

            But she will. Riza thought about it so hard and she knew that she had to this. Even if it was alone.

            “It was my fault as well. I let you have sex with me. And there always are consequences. Accidents happen…”

            “I don’t want my child to be called a bastard child!” he nearly shouted, his change of attitude almost frightened her. Roy clearly didn’t like the idea of this. He got up from the bed, now staring down at her.

            “Roy…”

            “Lieutenant, dammit, it’s my child as well. I want to raise him or her with you.”

            “No, you can’t.”

            “Why the hell not!?” he wanted to storm off, go blow off some steam and burn shit up at the training grounds, but he knows facing this situation right now is way more important.

            “Because! You must become the Fuhrer of this country and change things for the better! Don’t forget your dream, Colonel. And you made me promise, that I would watch your back as well, and one step out of line, not afraid to take you down.”

            He sat back down on the bed this time, beginning to think clearly. But, there was that one roadblock, a little miracle growing inside of Riza.

            “We’re having a baby…” he then slowly smiled, and began to laugh and then hugged Riza tightly, “We’re having a baby!” he nearly shouted, but was hushed by Riza.

            “No one must know, so please keep it down…” Riza sighed. But suddenly in one swift moment, Roy’s body was molded with her own, lips hungrily kissing hers. She gave in, first touching the bulge in his pants, stroking up and down. His hands wandered as well, reaching his right hand down to her core, two fingers playing with her folds.

            Riza gasped as Roy looked lustfully into her eyes, “I want to feel your tightness, my Queen.”

            “Queen, huh?”

            “Yes, as in the queen in chess.” He said before he slid his tongue against her lips, seeking permission to continue. Riza began sucking on his tongue, and suckled his lips as she slid off his pants with his boxers. His erection now free for her to touch. Taking this to her advantage, she teased the tip, slowly stroking it.

            The Flame Alchemist removed his shirt before unraveling her robe. Oh how turned on he was, this blonde beauty in front of him. Her legs now wrapped around his waist, erection rubbing against her stomach. He lowered more, his hardness now facing her entrance. Roy bucked into her, Riza’s head fell back.

            “Make love with me, Roy Mustang.” She spoke, sounding desperate. And he began thrusting, thrusting into her like he has never done before. Riza now sat on his lap, facing her while he was inside of her. He continued to rock against her, his hands grasping her breasts, nibbling on an erect nipple in front of him.

            Sweat fell down their faces as they both reached up to lock lips. Her hands began to touch her clitoris, rubbing fast as he thrusted slowly. Mewls came from her lips of every thrust he made. Riza’s body shivered in bliss shortly after.

            And by the end of their love-making…Roy fell asleep with her in his arms, a hand softly touching her stomach. A baby was a blessing and he really was happy to be a father…but it’s a roadblock in his way. Mustang was going to be Fuhrer of Amestris. And he will give this child a better future to live in unlike the one he has to live in right now.


	3. Chapter 3

             Riza woke up to him next to her. She missed this feeling, just being able to have the warmth of a human body next to her again like this. But she forgot that it was a work day…and if they were seen like this, there would be absolute trouble.

            His hands still wrapped around her, his breathing close to her ear. She smiled slowly, and tried to fall back asleep, but something was poking at her butt.

            “Riza…” he whispered, sounding like he was still asleep. Hawkeye had to tell him that he talks in his sleep later.

            “Hawkeye, you know you taste so good?” this peaked her interest. Clearly he was having a vivid sex dream about her…not that she didn’t mind. She rolled over, facing him as she reached her with her right hand and began stroking him. Not even after a few touches, he woke up.

            “Good morning, sir.” She chuckled a bit.

            “Morning…”

            “Nice dream you were having?” she smiled at him.

            “Yes, and it is nice to wake up to having you stroke me like this…oh!” her hand now wrapped around it, stroking up and down. He kissed her softly, moaning her name in her mouth.

            “I want you, Riza.”

            “I know, Mustang.” She guided him into her, the length slowly inserting inside, a wave of heat followed afterwards. Riza’s face winced in pleasure. His lips prodding at hers now as he began thrusting quickly.

            She then looked over at the time on her alarm clock.

            “Mustang…the time…”

            “Ah…! What…! About it?” he said between moaning and thrusting.

            “We’re going to be late.”

            “Dammit!” he pulled out his length from her, and got out of the bed to get dressed.

            “Sir…”

            “Lieutenant…?”

            “We’re not going to go to work smelling like sex, are we?” She sighed thinking of the things Havoc or Breda would say.

            “We’re almost late, how are we going to take a quick shower individually?”

            She smirked, her facial expression clearly showed to him that she was acting perverse.

            “Well, when was the last time we showered together?”

            “Fine, but I wanna finish what I started. Because at work all I’m going to think about is fucking you senseless.”

            “Sure thing, because behind this facade, I want to screw you senseless as well.” Riza winked at him.

 

            They showered together and were then on their way to the command center. While on the way to his office, Maes stopped him. He apparently was in Eastern on some business and decided to stop by.

            “Hey Roy! Haven’t seen you in a while!” Oh just what Roy wanted, was Maes to boast about his personal life.

            Hawkeye looked back at him.

            “Go ahead and get some paperwork done, I’ll be in there in a few.”

            “Sir.” She saluted to him and walked inside their room where the others were at.

            He turned around to look at his friend.

            “Hi Hughes, how are you doing? Well, I take it? Good to hear that.” He tried to avoid his friend in order to not be later than usual.

            “Oh it’s wonderful, Roy. Gracia and I are doing absolutely wonderful! We finally found a nice apartment in Central, the bed has been broken in many times already. I tell you Roy, my life is just great.”

            Mustang put his hand in front of Maes’ face, “I don’t want to hear about your sex life, pal. I got enough women and I don’t need a monogamous relationship right now.”

            “You sure about that? You and the Lieutenant looked awfully close just now.”

            “She’s my bodyguard, of course we were.”

            “You sure she’s not just a bodyguard to you? A long time ago you told me about…” he then whispered, “being each other’s firsts.”

            “I told you not to speak about that!” Mustang entered the room and slammed the door. Everyone else except Riza was looking at him.

            “Sir? You okay there?” Havoc asked, and probably shouldn’t have.

            “Yes, I’m fine. Old friends like to visit…”     

            “Why yes, I’m an old friend of yours! And no need to be ashamed, buddy! It’s just life, and things happen!” Riza lowered her head while working on paperwork, and hoped that Roy didn’t tell Maes about the pregnancy…

            “Can you get out of here? I would like to get some work done so I can leave work early.”   

            “I’ll be here for a few days, let’s go to the bar like old times.” Maes smiled.

            “Sure, tonight, but I have to get paperwork done. I’ll meet you at the bar. Now could you please get out?”

            “Fine, you don’t have to be a non-fun person, Mustang!”

            “Get out! Don’t you have a job to do?”

            “See you later, buddy!”

            Everyone stared at Roy…and he walked over to his little room. Riza was at her small desk still working on her own pile.

            Closing the door, he spoke to her in whispers.

            “You okay?” he asked as he put a hand on her shoulder.

            “What did you tell him, sir?”

            “I didn’t tell him anything. That I can promise on.”

            “I don’t want anyone to know. They can’t know.” She almost cried.

            “Hawkeye…” he wanted to embrace her right then and there.

            “I need to use the bathroom.” She got up and walked out. Her face stoic, emotionless.

            Roy wished he could go out and follow her, but there was no way that he could possibly go out and do that.

 

 

            Later he went to meet Maes at the bar, but before that, Roy promised Riza he would come over to her place after meeting up with Hughes.

            Hughes tried hard to hook Roy up with a girl, but Roy wasn’t interested, just sipping his beer away. The more Hughes tried, the more Roy wanted to leave and go back to Riza. Riza was on his mind, the baby was on his mind. There was no way they could raise this child together due to his future. And the fact that it was unplanned made him wonder if this is the right way. But still, his child…and Riza’s body choices was only made by her anyway.

            “…and then, Gracia told me she wants to start having kids. So you know, we do the do, and without protection…it's the best kind of sex ever. Au natural!”

            “I have to go.”

            “But, it’s only nine in the evening.”

            “Yes, I have to wake up early and finish paperwork.” Roy got his jacket and said goodbye to his friend.

            He walked as fast as he could to Riza’s apartment, and when he got to the door, he walked inside and hugged her from behind.

            “Roy? You scared me!” she was cooking herself a late night snack in the kitchen. He of course, found that incredibly hot.

            “I told you I would be here.”

            “I know. But…you really need to be wary of people catching us. If my neighbors knew…” He kissed the back of her neck, suckling on that spot he kissed.

            “I don’t care, if I have to wear a hat every time I come here, if I have to wear a wig, I will be here. I’ll even get myself a second apartment just so we can spend time another without getting caught, I don’t care. I love you, Riza.” He grinded his front against her ass, his hard-on rubbing at her. He groaned her name. Oh how badly he wanted to rip off his jeans and just insert behind her.

            “Not now, I’m not in the mood.” She smacked at his arm.

            “What?” he asked, just as confused.

            “I said, I’m not in the mood.”

            “Did I do something?” he didn’t get the point.

            “Dammit, Roy, I don’t want to have sex. Please just go home.” She pushed him out the door and locked it.

            A few moments after that, she cried. She didn’t know what to do…she should be happy, but thinking about the future has made her worried. A baby was too much right now…and she said she would keep it, but began to have second thoughts.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one is pretty short, sorry!

            They returned to work the next day, didn’t even speak a word to another. But they knew that if they didn’t, the others would get suspicious. So she asked if he wanted any coffee. Black of course, bitter like how he was feeling at the moment.

            He returned home that night, thinking about what to do. Riza was moody and he knew it was because of hormonal changes. He was thinking of her and didn’t bother calling…but when he was lying awake at nearly ten in the evening, he decided to call her.

            “What do you want?” the first thing she said to him.

            “Come over to my place. I want to talk.”

            “Why can’t we talk on the phone?” she asked, sounded deadpan.

            “If you don’t get over here, I will run to your apartment in less than five minutes with roses and chocolate.”

            She hung up on him. Twenty minutes later she was over at his apartment with a bottle of wine. He looked at her in the eyes when she entered his living room.

            “I thought we could drink this…” she said before sitting down next to him on his couch.

            “Me, not you. You can’t drink.”          He stated the fact.

            “Oh…I forgot.” She sat down next to him and didn’t say a word.

            “Riza.”

            “What?” she didn’t look at him as her response was harsh.

            “Tell me, tell me right now, what you want. What do you really want to do?”

            She sighed, trying so hard to not cry.

            “I decided, I don’t want it anymore.”

            He gasped, surprised that she would say that.

            “What!? Why do you say that!” he wanted to embrace her tightly, but had no courage to do so in this state.

            “This child will not know love from both parents. How am I supposed to tell this child that his or her father is unknown…but then figuring out later you are the father?”

            “I want this child, Riza. Please, for me.” He leaned in to kiss her. She wanted to pull away but the kiss was intoxicating to her.

            Roy broke away from the kiss, “I promise you, when I become Fuhrer, I will remove the anti-fraternization laws. I promise you this. And then we can be together.” He held onto her tightly. She sighed, taking in this love of his.

            “Fine, for you, if that is what you wish…” she had one tear fall down her face. It was not her to cry like this, but she was happy. Happy that Roy was supporting her through this and didn’t leave.

            That night they made sweet love, he was soft and gentle and it was something that she never had with him before. His thrusts were slow, sensual as his hands lightly touched her stomach and then her breasts. He kissed her softly, lightly. Riza couldn’t deny this type of feeling in her heart as she slowly reached her climax. Roy was reaching his peak as well as he still slowly thrusted into her core. The two of them rode it out, moaning in absolute pleasure.

            “Roy…I love you.”

            “I know.” He kissed her, and then moved down to her stomach, whispering sweet nothings to the growing fetus inside her. Roy kissed her stomach, and then brought her into a spooning position. He held her stomach, and fell asleep with her in his arms.

 


	5. Chapter 5

            It was about two months later when Riza was walking home from work and she felt a little bit of cramping in her stomach. She just thought of it as nothing, just the baby growing since that’s what the doctor said. And she was happy. Roy and she were doing well, every night she’d talk with him on the phone. Or they would have one of the other spend the night, only early in the morning to wake up early and leave.

            But when she got home, her stomach cramping got worse. She decided to just head to bed to try to sleep off the pain.

            Riza awoke the next morning to her alarm at seven, she turned it off and switched her lamp on. Removing the covers to get out of bed, she almost screamed. Blood was everywhere. She was speechless, she couldn’t scream because she was mortified. She picked up her phone and called the hospital for an emergency. Riza tried so hard to explain what was going on, but the words couldn’t come out of her mouth. She only could say blood, pregnant and more blood. And when the operator asked for her address, she said it. Riza called her best friend, Rebecca, and tried to tell her to meet her at the hospital, no questions asked right now.

            An ambulance came to pick her up quickly. She was nearly almost crying when the doctor started doing some tests on her.

            “Ma’am, I’m sorry.” The EMT looked at her and shook his head. Riza started crying. There was no life inside her, he said. She lost the baby and she couldn’t believe it.

            When she got to the hospital, Rebecca was there waiting for her. She gave permission for Rebecca to be at her side when they were checking other vitals and then gave her a blood transfusion. Tears filled her eyes, oh how she couldn’t stop crying.

            The nurses soon left them alone, and this was when Rebecca hugged her, tried to comfort her best friend. Riza cried in her friend’s arms, and she cried harder.

            “Riza, the doctor’s won’t tell me anything…because they said it was your own decision to tell people. What happened?!"

            Riza looked at her friend in the eyes, tears streaming down her face.

            “I had a miscarriage…” her hands flew to her face, sobbing even harder now.

            Rebecca was dumbfounded…and she tried so hard not to say anything to upset her friend.

            “…you were pregnant? And you never told me?”

            The sharpshooter nodded her head, tears still streaming down her face.

            “I wasn’t going to tell anyone until I started to show…”

            “Who was the father?” Rebecca knew she should not have asked, but she had to know anyway.

            Riza was quiet, mumbled his name.

            “What?”

            “I said it’s Roy! Roy was the father!”

            “Holy shit!” Rebecca wanted to go on a rampage now. But she held back her anger.

            “Rebecca, I don’t want anyone to visit me right now. I don’t want anyone to see me. I only need you here, since you are my best friend. He can’t do anything for me at this point. But, I want to be alone, I want to be able to just sleep today, and I don’t want anyone here. But can you keep watch for me?”

            Rebecca nodded, “I’ll get a nurse out in the hall and ask if there is a way for confidentiality and no visitors.”6

            Her friend did as she said she was going to do. And made sure that no one was going to come by. But then, Riza had a feeling, a feeling that Roy was going to stop by and cause chaos. Oh and was she right. Rebecca sat outside and kept watch for anyone they knew that would try to come by and visit. Roy was there, steaming, his face in pure anger.

            “Where is she?!” he asked, trying to enter the room.

            “Hey! Didn't you get the damn memo? She doesn’t want to see anyone today, she doesn’t even want me to be in there with her.”

            “Hawkeye!” he shouted for her, but Rebecca took out her gun and pointed at him.

            “I don’t care if I get demoted for pointing a gun at you, but get the hell out of here. No visitors. She wants to be alone.” Rebecca glared at him.

            “You don’t understand, Rebecca, I need to see her. I need to see if my Lieutenant is okay.”

            “Well maybe you should’ve thought it was okay to stick your dick up her and make an unplanned baby.” She whispered harshly.

            He gasped, trying so hard not punch a hole in the wall.          

            “Did she tell you?”

            “She told me earlier, now get the hell outta here or I won’t be afraid to shoot.”

            He walked away, more like stormed away from the hospital. Riza cried when she heard him out in the hall. She didn’t know how to confront Mustang, she didn’t know how to tell him how sad and happy she is that she no longer has to take care of a child.       

 

            Three days later, she was still in the hospital, and was about to get discharged. Her doctor made sure she was okay to leave and go home. He recommended that she didn’t work for a while. After thoughtful consideration, she decided to use about three months’ worth of vacation days to recover. She rarely took a vacation, usually just stacking up her vacation days, so she thought this was a good time to use them. Riza knew that Roy wouldn’t like this decision. But she didn’t care. She was in utter complete emotional pain. However, she didn’t understand why she felt this way. She had so many thoughts of getting rid of the child, but didn’t. Shouldn’t she be blessed that she is no longer pregnant? And that she doesn’t have to raise this child on her own?

            Rebecca brought her home and took care of her for a few days more. Riza was speechless and had no words to say to anyone. She couldn’t even talk. Her doctor said it was because of shock and it’s the only way she could handle it. Riza didn’t want to talk even if she tried to. No words came out of her mouth.

            Roy didn’t stop calling and every time he did, Rebecca would answer and yell at him. This was when she asked her best friend if it was okay to unplug the phone. Riza nodded yes.

            “Riza, I have to go back to work soon…I wish I could stay and take care of you forever, but I can’t. My commanding officer wondered when I’m coming back. I told him that I was planning on coming back next week Monday. Just in a few days’ time…”

            She nodded to Rebecca, giving her the okay. She still couldn’t speak and it wasn’t nearly a week later until Roy showed up at her door, nearly breaking it down to get through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like a lot of people hate me after this chapter.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roy decides to check up on Riza a month later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this was delayed. I ended up getting a little busy over break...and I wanted to say I will try to update when I can. Thanks for everyone's support!

          

 

            Roy had no idea what to do. He had no idea what was happening to the Lieutenant but he knew that it probably was something horrible. The doctors wouldn’t dare release any information to him due to her wanting to keep it confidential. And he knew that he couldn’t fix her.

            So many times he had tried to contact her, and each time her friend would intercept the call, or every time he tried to come over to her apartment, a gun would be pointing at his forehead.

            And not to mention, there was no one to talk to about this. How was he supposed to tell his subordinates that he has no clue why Hawkeye will be gone for three months? Even though he suspected the worse?

            _Also why she was not wanting to talk to anyone_ , he wondered. His paperwork piled up throughout the time she was gone so far…and nearly stayed until past midnight to get it done. He tried to work diligently without her there, pretending that she was on his ass for not getting paperwork done. But still, he was angry…angry that she wasn’t there.

            Roy had also given up on trying to contact her right now. Rebecca had taken over handling everything since she told Roy that Riza isn’t talking.

            _Why isn’t she talking,_ he thought, _I hope the baby is okay. I hope she’s okay…_

But then, a month later on a weekend, Roy tried one more time, he tried once more to come see her. However, when he reached her apartment and knocked, there was no answer. Putting the roses on the floor, he knocked several more times before a neighbor exited their own apartment and saw them.

            “She’s not home,” the middle-aged woman stated.

            “She’s not?”

            “No, she’s not. She left a week ago. And hasn’t returned. I’m not entirely sure where she went. But I’m hoping she’s okay. Some nights I hear her sobbing really loudly. And I tried to see if she’s okay, but she wouldn’t answer her door for me either. Unless it was her friend who always stopped by.”

            “Hmmm, thanks ma’am.” He started walking away, going back to his car.

            “No problem, have a good day sir.”

            Luckily the lady didn’t notice who he was in his civilian clothing. He was also wondering why Riza would be so worried about being seen with him at her place, even if they wore civilian clothing. Clearly this neighbor never knew of their non-professional relationship.

            “If I was Hawkeye, where would I go?” he spoke to himself as he sat in his car, the roses in the passenger seat next to him. Mustang pondered for a few minutes.

            “She can’t be at Rebecca’s, Riza would want to be alone.”

            Then it hit him…she’s in Flamel…her hometown. Speeding now, he arrived at Eastern City’s train station.

            Roy bought the train ticket, the only and last train going to Flamel that evening. He knew he would arrive sometime by nine, then another half hour to walk to her childhood home, but he didn’t care. He had to see her…he had to see his Queen.

 

            Riza lay upon her childhood bed crying. She thought of the first time her and Roy had sex, the first time when they were teenagers just screwing around with another. Riza thought about when her father went away for the day and she gave herself to Roy. On this very bed she lay upon. This room was special. This house used to be special. And she didn’t understand why she didn’t sell the home after her father had passed away. It has been years that she kept holding onto this house. She used it as a vacation to get away from the city, just living her nostalgic memories all over again. Even spending monthly cleaning bills for a cleaner to come in and clean every inch of the house.

            That house brought her love and pain. That bed brought love and pain. That bed also housed the pain she received from her father, the marks he made upon her back. Little did she know that months after losing herself to Roy, that her father would be inking his secret formulation onto her skin.

            But she still cried because how much she wanted to experience the first time she made love with Roy. It was blissful, thrilling, and a little awkward. Riza wanted to go back to that moment. But now she’s stuck in the moment of realizing her messing up, her getting pregnant, and her losing the baby.

            At that thought, she cried some more before she felt sick to her stomach.      

            How long has it since she’s eaten a decent meal? It felt like over a week. She hasn’t eaten much besides the meals Rebecca brought her to her apartment. And right now Rebecca is probably fuming at the note that Riza left, with only a few words, “ _Hometown, Back whenever._ ”

            It took her forever to try to write those words down. She couldn’t write too, and her handwriting looked as if a four year old first started learning how to write. It was just entirely hard to express herself at the moment. And she didn’t know when she’ll recover.

            Then, her stomach started growling, she needed to eat. It was nearly eight-thirty at night…and she wondered what places would be open for her to bring food home. So she managed to put on some decent clothes she brought with and headed out.

            Riza just decided to pick up a few things of groceries to cook instead of actually having to go out and order food with no words. While at the grocery store, she avoided anyone she knew. There was no way she didn’t want to engage in conversation while in this state.

            So when she picked up the food she needed, she returned home. The time now was about nine-thirty. There was a person standing at the door, holding roses in his arms while he knocked. Her feet stopped…silent now standing there.

            Roy turned around, surprised to see her.

            “Riza…” his voice was silent. She wasn’t ready to face him. Not like this.


	7. Chapter 7

“Riza…” he spoke her name quietly. She stood there, not a word was spoken to him.

“Hawkeye, I…I came here to see if you’re doing okay.”

She walked slowly to him, getting the house keys out of her small carryon bag. He continued to stare at her, trying to find the right words to say.

“I brought you flowers,” he held them up, but forgot her hands were full of groceries in paper bags. “Here let me help you carry those, you don’t want to put too much stress on because of the baby.”

She dropped her bags, a head of lettuce and tomatoes rolled out of one of them, she stopped before she opened the door. It was like she was frozen and couldn’t move.  
“Are you okay?” Roy still hadn’t had a clue what was going on with her. He wish he could console her, but didn’t know if now was the right time. 

Riza entered her house now with Roy following her. She listened to him, but couldn’t speak. He kept asking so many questions…she wish she could explode with answers.

“Riza…talk to me…or can you not talk?” he asked calmly.

She pointed to her mouth and shook her head no.

“Why? Why can’t you talk? Shock? Is it shock?” 

She nodded her head, he frowned.

“The baby?” he asked again.

She turned around and didn’t say anything.

“Hawkeye, please tell me everything is alright! Why did you push me away for over a month? Why? Tell me.”

She put her hands on her stomach, and then made the no more motion with her hands.

Roy gasped, choking back on tears that he didn’t want to flow.

“Riza…I’m so sorry.”

For right now, she held back her own tears and made dinner. She made a simple pasta dinner with a salad. But when it came to actually eating, she sat there at the table, looking at her meal. Riza still couldn’t eat. 

Roy saw this and commented, “Do you want me to look away?” 

Riza nodded her head and Roy got up to go to the bathroom. He locked himself in there for a total of ten minutes, crying. This full grown man was balling his eyes out like a baby. And he thought he looked pathetic like this, but he couldn’t help it. Mustang was hurt, and he was distraught. It was his child too and it’s no more.

“We wouldn’t ever been in this situation if I just started using protection right away in the first place.” He spoke out loud to himself.

A knock interrupted him, and he opened it, Riza standing there with a box of tissues. On impulse, Roy ended up embracing her, holding her tight. The box of tissues dropped. Her arms lay askew.

“Riza…there are no words. I have no words to say about this. All I can say is that…I’m sorry. This is my fault. If I was paying attention, then maybe none of this would’ve happened.”

He hurt her again once more, this time more emotional pain than anything.

“I can never make it up to you. But I ask you, one night, one night let me stay here and take care of you. Let me just take care of you and make up for all the pain I’ve given you.” He cried a little more before pulling away from her.

Riza looked blank, like all her emotions just left her. And Roy hated it, she used to be so full of life, but that all has changed.

“So, is it okay for me to stay?” 

She nodded her head.

Roy embraced her again and lightly kissed her cheek. Which probably wasn’t a good idea because Riza flinched at his intimate touch.

“Oh! Dammit, I wasn’t thinking, I’m sorry!” he kept on apologizing as he followed her to her bedroom. She was making her bed, and then grabbed a pair of pajamas. He gazed at her, still giving her this “I love you” look.

She looked at him and motioned for him to turn around. On command, he did of course, but still, he looked over his shoulder at her. He could see her back now, from when he defaced it, from when he partially burned it off. He couldn’t dare with looking at her like this. She was getting thin and Riza knew it too. Roy was choked up, because he could see how this was affecting her the most.

“Riza…you need to eat.” He said to her, “You need to eat because if you don’t, you’re going to get hospitalized again.”

She stopped after putting her pajamas on, and just went into her covers on her bed. Roy followed her, trying so hard not to touch her, not to pull her into an embrace. It was hard, because he knew that she needed space.

And that night, Riza slept, she slept so soundly with Roy next to her, feeling his warmth from a few inches away. She wanted to smile, but she couldn’t. 

Now, past midnight, she woke up from a dead sleep and started sobbing very loudly. She’s been having dreams since the day she had that miscarriage. Riza hated this because it made her feel so vulnerable. And when she woke up Roy, he grasped her, held her tightly.

“Lieutenant, you’re okay! I’m here, don’t worry, I’m here.” He buried his head into her shoulder, wishing that he could take her pain away, but he knew, oh he knew deep down that he couldn’t. He kissed her shoulder blade, caressed her and tried everything in his power to try to take this pain away.

But then it hit him again. He wasn’t going to be a father. He always wanted to start a family someday. However, maybe this was a sign that it wasn’t the right time. This is a sign that he must move forward and continue his dream of making it to the top of the military command.

Luckily Riza didn’t flinch when he spooned her. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly. Almost possessively. 

Roy didn’t want to let go, no matter what.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought I should treat you guys with a chapter before I get back to homework. Currently I'm taking a creative writing class and that and Chinese is taking a lot of my time. Thanks for reviewing, the kudos, everything! I'll try to update when I can. I won't abandon this. Chapter 9 is in the making. 
> 
> College has me busy, but maybe spring break I can try writing. I'm almost done with this fanfic.

The following morning she woke up with his arm still around her domineeringly. It’s been a while since she’s had a pair of arms around her and she soaked it in. Riza wanted to stay like this as long as she could. But light was peering into her bedroom through the window’s red curtains. Without trying to move too much she reached over to look at her alarm clock. The time said it was 9:01 am. It’s been over a month since she’s been on vacation and she still hasn’t recovered. How was she going to recover with all the pain she is bottling up?

Riza could feel Roy’s face buried in her back. But, there was something else she could feel. It was poking at her butt.

She sighed and thought, “I don’t want this right now…but he’s tempting…no not now.” Riza rolled over and faced towards him and smacked him lightly against his face three times. He opened his eyes sleepily, widened when he saw her face close to his. Riza had this scowl, he knew that she wasn’t really happy.

“Hawkeye…oh…I’m sorry.” She pointed down, not looking, but knowing he had a boner. Roy looked down, now blushing.

“Dammit!” he got up and went into the bathroom. Despite the situation she was still happy that he was turned on with the mere thought or dreams about her. But, now wasn’t a good time for sex.

Even though secretly Riza craved it. She wanted to feel Roy against her despite her body saying no. She was afraid of making love once again, scared she was accidentally going to get pregnant. Afraid she was going to lose the baby. She couldn’t help having this fear. But it didn’t help thinking this way. Riza started sobbing uncontrollably the more she thought about it. No matter how hard she tried to stop the tears, they wouldn’t stop falling down her face. And it was embarrassing for her since Roy was in the bathroom currently taking care of his problem. 

But, he heard her crying and came to her as soon as he could. 

“Hawkeye, why are you crying?” he wiped away each tear that was streaming down her face. She still couldn’t say a word. 

Roy kissed her tear stained cheeks lightly. This time Riza did not flinch. She sighed when his lips touched her cheeks. Riza finally caved in and kissed Roy on the lips lightly. She knew her body was wanting to reject all contact, but she needed him right now. Riza wished she had accepted Roy’s warmth before. Wished she accepted his love before. But her sadness had consumed her before and didn’t want to deal with the man whom accidentally impregnated her. Because she was angry that she wasn’t careful.

Riza didn’t blame Roy, she blamed herself.

But now she let that go. She was sexually frustrated since it’s been months she last had sex with Roy. Her lips then prodded against his, her tongue begging to slip against his. Roy allowed her as he tried hard not to take control this time around. It was because he knew that she needed this, he knew she needed to be the one in control.  
Her hands wandered, slipping a hand under his boxers and feeling his length half hard from before. A raspy moan released from his mouth when her lips brushed against his neck.

“Riza…are you sure you want to do this?” 

She didn’t say anything as she continued to suckle his neck, 

“…I have one condom.” She stopped suckling his neck now, paused just thinking of why he could possibly have one.

He blushed heavily and then sighed, “I have one just in case. And no, it’s not in my wallet for your curiosity.”

Roy just bought it a few days before coming to check on Riza. He was sexually frustrated and was bar hopping and hoping to get laid. But, that never worked out since he found himself home earlier as eleven at night.

Riza ignored his babbling and continued to stroke his length in her hand. Her thumb played with the tip and Roy groaned loudly.

“Riza…” he moaned her name loudly. She tried to tell him to be quiet but her voice still hasn’t come back. She kissed him roughly, still fondling with him. Riza could feel his erection becoming stiffer by the second in her hand. She took this cue to remove his boxers. Instinctively he pushed her tank top off of her when she pulled down his boxers. Roy then took the initiative despite Riza trying to be the one in command. 

Mustang picked her up, placed her on the bed, removed her panties and ravished her with his tongue. She choked back a moan as his tongue lapped at her folds, lightly touching her sensitive nub after each stroke. The more he lapped against her, the more she squeaked. He took this as time to grab his condom out of his inner coat pocket. So when Roy stopped suckling and licking Riza’s folds, she began to touch herself in order to not lose the growing sensation of pleasure. He left to go grab the condom and ended up coming back witnessing Riza touch herself. For a few seconds he watched her, but when her eyes met his, he knew that she was ready for him and she wasn’t going to be happy that he was just gawking at her. 

Ripping the tinfoil outing he carefully then put the condom on his length, making sure that it was on correctly.

Riza just continued to touch herself when he walked towards her, and kneeled on the bed in front of her. Roy placed his soft lips against her stomach, then her chest, and then her lips. He briefly kissed her while he positioned himself over her. His length was slipping against her entrance. Riza looked up at him and glared a little. This was her way of telling him to get to the point. And when he saw her cue, he slipped inside her. A little moan had escaped from her mouth.

He missed her moaning. He just wishes that he can hear more of her after long months of quiet. 

“Riza, I love you.” He whispered into her ear.

But she didn’t say anything back, just whimpered when he kept thrusting into her. Roy observed her, her breasts moving back and forth, her face distorting with pleasure. He felt he was at his peak when he picked her up and had her sit in his lap. Riza’s arms wrapped around his shoulders, her fingernails raking into his back. She kissed him hungrily, almost as if it’s the last time she’s going to kiss him. Roy’s lips moved to her neck now, biting down softly and sucking. Riza moaned loudly. She could feel her peak rising and rising.

This was his cue to thrust faster and so he did. Her vaginal walls clenched on his length as he thrusted a few more times. His hot seed spilled from him and he groaned in pleasure. His voice shuttered when he spoke her name.

“R-Riza…” he kissed her on the lips lightly. She kissed him back, her tongue lightly touching his now.

His arm was still around her even when they were lying together now. She glanced at the ceiling, trying to not think.

Because all she has done the past few months has been thinking.

Roy was about to close his eyes and sleep until he heard a familiar voice speak.

“Mustang…we need to talk…” her voice was soft, slow and full of sadness.

He looked over at her, eyes widening. Riza still glanced at the ceiling, not looking him in the eyes. She now found her voice and knew now was the right time to tell him everything.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which concludes conquering the pain between the two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm lame as heo, sorry that this story is so short. I'm finished. Thanks for reading everyone. Your comments and kudos mean a lot.

“You’re finally talking.” He stated, “Are you okay, Riza?”

“Don't call me Riza anymore.” She sounded deadpan.

“But why? What’s going on?” he was concerned. He had sometimes called her Riza in private because they were alone.

“We can’t keep doing this.” She sat up, flipped her legs to the side of her bed and reached down to grab her top and panties.

“We have to stop this.” She spoke as she put on her panties, “Because it’s unprofessional, sir.” 

He sighed, “Ri…I mean Lieutenant. Why come to this decision?” he was genuinely concerned. Roy had to know what was up.

“I fucked up. I fucked up big time. And fate probably was telling me, ‘You got pregnant by accident and you lost the child because this is not in your future.’ And I knew that losing this child made me realize I have to continue to watch your back. We can’t have an unprofessional relationship. We could get caught.” She stood up now and put her tank on. Roy reached for his boxers and slipped those on.

“Hawkeye.” He was sad of how this turned out, “I never wanted to hurt you like this.”

“I did this to myself. We had sex, I got pregnant because I wasn’t careful.” 

He wrapped his arms around her, turned her around, and molded his body against hers.

The look in his eyes were dead serious.

“Don’t you ever blame yourself again!” he snapped. This caught her off guard. When he does this, it surprises her none the less.

“I don’t want you to blame yourself for what had happened!” he let go of her, sat up and swung his legs over to the side of the bed.

“You don’t know how happy I was that I was going to be a father. My parents died when I was young and you know that. I had a chance to have a complete family.”  
He kept the tears in. However, he was just angry that she blamed herself.

“Mustang, I—” 

“I don’t want you to blame yourself! What can I do, Hawkeye? I need you to watch my back. I don’t want us to fall apart based on this situation. So what can I do? I love you too much that I don’t want you to suffer anymore. I’m sorry that I’m both your umbrella and the rain. I’ve hurt you too much that I can’t forgive myself. I can never forgive myself for what happened. So please, don’t blame yourself for something that can’t be turned around.” 

She choked back tears, “I need some more time.”

“Take your time to hurry up.”

Riza sighed now, “Sir, give me a few more weeks to recover, then I’ll return back to my post.”

“Hawkeye, take your time, I’ll be here.” He hugged her some more. Not wanting to let go.

But he had to.

He hated that he had to.

And Roy knew that letting go meant that they had to let go of their romantic relationship.

~*~  
In exactly two weeks, she was back at her post, watching his back, keeping him on top of his paperwork. And everyone didn’t talk about her supposed sickness. The rest of Team Mustang kept to themselves because Roy threatened to burn them to a pile of ash if they asked her why she was gone.

Riza kept to herself when she got back, only seeing Rebecca in her spare time. 

Of course, her loud friend wasn’t happy that she disappeared for over two weeks without telling her. 

But, what could Rebecca do? She had to go back to her post anyway.

So Riza has somewhat fully recovered, but she kept to herself, she kept quiet, not a smile on her face. And she knew she had to try to smile or others would worry.

Havoc had a feeling that Mustang knew because they all knew she and him had a secret relationship. They never discussed it, they never mentioned it in fear of the Flame Alchemist. 

Breda, Fury, and Falman kept to themselves as well, but were still secretly wanting to know.

However, the moment that Riza entered the office earlier, she was showered with ‘welcome backs’ and ‘we missed you’.

They knew that the place wasn’t the same when she was gone. The Colonel would only be sulking and they couldn’t do anything about it.

Hawkeye felt good to be back, felt better than she had before. There was closure that day Roy had expressed his concern and anger in her selfishness and though she waited to return, she knew that Roy’s words were true.

She was to protect his back no matter what.

As she was doing paperwork, she was interrupted.

“Hey, Hawkeye, I am being sent to Resembool,” Roy said, trying not to look at her in the eyes.

“Oh? How come?” she asked, while still signing papers.

“Order from the top to find an alchemist there, so I want you to come with me.” He looked over to the window now, not looking at her.

“Of course, sir.” She stood up now, looking at him in the eyes. Her eyes, emotionless, no facial expression what-so-ever. He despised it…missed her smile. But Roy has to deal with this consequence.

“I bought two train tickets just earlier, we head there tomorrow.”

“Yes, sir.” She blinked once, and twice. 

Roy knew that regardless, he was going to make things better again, slowly at a time. Because if she isn't going to watch his back, he doesn't know who will.


End file.
